Anywheel is shocked—absolutely fucking floored—to discover that leaving green metal carcasses in Ubi results in them being treated like trash.

One Bedok Reservoir resident decided the signature green was "too low-SES" and spray-painted his stolen ride white, giving it the makeover his father never did.

Anywheel warns that hacking locks and cutting brakes is "against the law," a statement with as much weight as a "No Smoking" sign in a Geylang alleyway.

The company is currently "arranging recovery," which is corporate-speak for sending one overworked uncle to fish bicycles out of a disgusting longkang.

If you want a free bike that doesn’t look like Shrek’s dildo, just bring your own Dulux paint and some pliers next time.