Leading tuition mogul, Dr. Gan Cheong, has launched "Utero-Excel," a franchise targeting students before they even possess a central nervous system.

The business model charges parents $5,000 per trimester to blast advanced calculus lectures through high-fidelity vaginal speakers.

"If your baby not doing integration in the womb, then already lose to the neighbor kid liao," said one mother while duct-taping a subwoofer to her midsection.

Dr. Gan plans to expand the franchise into crematoriums to ensure that the deceased can still top their afterlife rankings.

"Wah, nowadays competition so fierce, even if you go coffin also must have extra classes for the afterlife O-Levels," noted a local education consultant.

Shareholders are ecstatic, noting that the paralyzing fear of academic failure is a more sustainable resource than natural gas.

Every classroom in the franchise comes equipped with a high-pressure hose to wash away the tears of children who only scored 98%.