Donald Trump has touched down in Beijing, presumably to ask President Xi for a high-interest loan to fund his latest Middle Eastern murder-spree.

As the Iran war threatens to turn the planet into a charred cinder, Singaporeans remain remarkably focused on the primary catastrophe that matters: the rising cost of 95-octane petrol.

The "historic breakthrough" in the UAE is widely seen as a desperate attempt by Sheikhs to find a bunker that doesn't smell like Trump’s bronzer.

Experts believe the shifting alliances are purely based on which country has the best air-conditioning for the impending nuclear summer.

In the heartlands, residents are already prepping.

One uncle was spotted at a Shell station filling 50-litre soy sauce drums with fuel, claiming it’s for his lineage which likely won't survive the radioactive fallout anyway.

Local investors are hopeful that a global apocalypse might finally lower the price of luxury watches at Orchard Road.