The Singapore government has officially thanked Donald Trump for “Project Freedom” after three aunties at Bedok South Market complained that their premium olive oil was stuck behind a blockade of warships.

While Trump claims his “humanitarian gesture” is about saving lives, local logistics experts believe it is actually a tactical move to ensure the global supply of cheap plastic junk remains uninterrupted.

One stranded captain reported that the US Navy’s escort service consists of a destroyer blasting “God Bless the USA” until the Iranian Revolutionary Guard dies of pure cringe.

Trade ministers in Jurong expressed relief at the intervention, mostly because the price of petrol was making their official Mercedes-Benzes look like peasant transport.

Local kiasu shoppers have already started hoarding canned sardines and toilet paper in case the “very positive” talks end in a nuclear winter that ruins the weekend.

Singaporeans are now demanding that the SAF use similar “forceful intervention” to clear the queue at the popular bak chor mee stall in Tai Seng.

Most residents remain indifferent to the threat of World War III as long as their TikTok feed continues to load without significant lag.