President Trump’s decision to drop "preventative bombs" on Iran while negotiating a ceasefire has been hailed as a masterclass in toxic relationship management.

The Pentagon maintains the strikes were strictly "self-defence," a logic frequently used by Singaporean parents who beat their children to ensure they become "successful."

The Strait of Hormuz is currently under more pressure than a local intern trying to claim OT pay from a toxic SME boss.

Local military experts suggest that Trump’s strategy of "bombing them till they love us" is the geopolitical equivalent of a man sending "I miss you" texts immediately after blocking his ex.

Meanwhile, Singaporeans remain unbothered by the prospect of nuclear winter, provided the price of petrol doesn't force them to rub shoulders with the unwashed masses on the North-South Line.

If the ceasefire collapses, at least the explosions will be more entertaining than any local influencer's apology video.