In a world where luxury fashion is getting too expensive, one Toa Payoh uncle decided to innovate by shopping directly from his neighbor’s laundry rack.

The unidentified siao lang was caught on a doorbell camera at Block 3 Lorong 7, proving that some heroes don't wear capes, they just wear your mother's 38C lace underwire inside their trousers.

Surveillance footage shows the man expertly unhooking the garment with the precision of a surgeon, before shoving the entire piece of nylon into his crotch area like he was trying to hide a massive, itchy tumor.

“Wah lau eh, I thought he got some weird disease or his lan jiao suddenly grew three sizes,” said one neighbor who watched the Stomp video while gagging on her lunch.

Local fashion experts suggest that stuffing a padded bra down your pants is the most cost-effective way to achieve that “disturbing lumpy bulge” look without having to pay for expensive plastic surgery.

The police have been notified, presumably to ask the man why he needs a lace-trimmed cup to support his sagging ego and sweaty, lonely ballsack.

Residents are now being advised to guard their underwear with their lives, or at least smear some radioactive belacan on the cups to discourage future crotch-stuffers.

“Kan ni na, if he wanted a push-up effect for his tiny sausage, he should have just used a sock,” the victim allegedly screamed while staring at her violated laundry hanger.

This incident proves that in Singapore, if you leave anything outside your flat for more than five minutes, it will either be recycled by a karung guni or end up cradling a stranger’s pubic hair.

At least the man had the confidence to do it in broad daylight, showing the kind of massive balls that only a stolen double-padded cup can provide.

Authorities are currently searching for a man with a very suspicious, lacy, and asymmetrical erection roaming the streets of Toa Payoh.