Manpower Minister Tan See Leng has expressed profound "disturbances" after a Bloomberg article had the absolute audacity to report factual information about his $27 million bungalow without including at least six paragraphs about how hard he works.

The Minister, who presumably navigates his Brizay Park estate via a map and a team of Sherpas, told the court that the article was "pernicious" because it used the dark, forbidden art of "innuendo" to make it look like something was wrong with a civil servant dropping enough cash to buy a small island.

“I had no inkling that a journalist would use facts to imply things,” Dr. Tan said, his voice trembling with the kind of outrage usually reserved for when a waiter brings the wrong vintage of Petrus.

“It was very clever, selective sequencing; they mentioned I bought a $27 million house, then they mentioned secrecy, then they mentioned money laundering, which is basically like saying I’m a criminal just because I’m rich enough to buy your entire family tree,” he added, while adjusting a tie that likely costs more than a fresh grad’s annual salary.

Drawing on his background as a doctor, Dr. Tan explained that property transactions must be viewed "holistically," much like how a physician doesn't just look at a giant, throbbing tumor and call it "cancer" without first checking if the tumor has a valid reason for being there.

"If I want to remove a skin cancer, I don't just look at the cancer," Dr. Tan lectured the court, implying that his massive property portfolio is the "patient" and the Bloomberg reporter is a shitty intern who forgot to wash his hands before touching the Minister’s private assets.

The Minister further clarified that if he had known the article would mention words like "shrouded" or "cloaking," he would have immediately summoned his legion of lawyers to initiate a legal colonoscopy on the publication.

Sources close to the Minister suggest that he is currently working on a new policy where any mention of a Minister’s net worth must be accompanied by a mandatory "Thank You, Sir" and a slow, rhythmic clap from the general public.

At press time, Bloomberg journalists were seen frantically Googling how to write a "holistic" article that describes a $27 million mansion as a "humble, cozy starter-home for a struggling public servant."

The trial continues, as Singaporeans nationwide collectively wonder if they can use Dr. Tan’s "medical analogy" to explain to the tax man why their bank accounts are "holistically" empty.