The Ministry of Culture, Community and Youth has officially designated Somerset Skate Park as a high-security containment zone for people who think oversized t-shirts are a personality trait.

Clad in gear that costs more than a small car, local youths gather to perform the sacred ritual of falling face-first onto concrete while a friend records the failure on a cracked iPhone.

The facility serves as a critical buffer, preventing the city-state's "edgy" population from accidentally wandering into a nearby luxury mall and lowering the property value with their presence.

"Eh, I come here not to skate one lah, I come here to let people see my tattoos and act cool only," said 19-year-old Jaden.

"If I land one kickflip, I confirm plus chop can get influencer contract already, but for now I just lepak and smoke behind the ramp."