As Trump prepares to bomb Iran back to the Stone Age, Singaporeans are shitting themselves over the only real tragedy: a potential 20-cent hike in 95-octane petrol.

The disappearance of a US airman has been officially classified by local Grab drivers as "not my fucking problem" as long as the ERP stays the same.

While Israel prepares to flatten Iranian power plants, local SME bosses are emailing the missing soldier to check if he can still fulfill his WFH obligations from a torture cell.

"Two warplanes down is a shame, but have you seen the price of a BTO?" asked one resident while queuing for overpriced cai fan.

The government reminded citizens that while "Hell" might reign in Tehran, it’s still cooler than the humidity in Yishun.