Local SME Director, Tan Ah Huat, has finally clarified the professional utility of SkillsFuture certifications within the corporate landscape.

He confirmed that the two-day "Mastering Artisanal Sourdough" certificate is now the official company standard for cleaning coffee spills and levelling wobbly pantry tables.

Human Resource departments nationwide have reportedly begun using the SkillsFuture portal as a primary screening tool to identify candidates with far too much unproductive free time.

"Wah lau, you think I see your 'Introduction to Urban Farming' cert then I give you five-k salary ah?" Tan remarked while tossing a stack of resumes into the recycling bin.

"This paper good for lining my bird cage only, don't come here and act smart with your 'Lifelong Learning' rubbish."

Despite the government’s push for upskilling, employers remain committed to the traditional method of hiring based on how many hours an employee can survive without seeing sunlight.

The Ministry of Education has responded by launching a new $500 course on how to cope with being ignored by management.