The Monetary Authority of Singapore has officially endorsed sniffing plastic vinyl as a legitimate retirement plan for the nation’s increasingly delusional middle class.

Desperate to escape the crushing reality of inflation, local investors are liquidating their blue-chip stocks to acquire bug-eyed Labubu figurines that offer zero dividends but maximum emotional fragility.

"I used to buy gold, but you can’t cuddle gold when you’re crying about your unpaid HDB loan," said one Gen Z wealth consultant while polishing a holographic Pikachu.

Financial experts confirm that while the tech bubble may burst, the market for overpriced junk remains rock solid so long as Singaporeans remain pathologically unable to resist a queue.

The Straits Times recommends diversifying your portfolio by ensuring at least 40% of your net worth is tied up in things that would melt if you left them in the sun.

Future generations will inherit nothing but a box of Marvel figurines and the lingering scent of desperation.