The Middle East is currently blowing itself to bits, and Singaporeans are finally facing the real tragedy: sweaty armpits in government buildings.

With oil prices spiking faster than a delivery rider's heart rate after seeing an LTA officer, the civil service has been ordered to set air-conditioning to a "sustainable" 25°C.

"I didn't study for 20 years just to marinate in my own ball-sweat at the CPF office," complained one senior executive while wiping his forehead with a $50 note.

Meanwhile, COE prices hit $118,000, ensuring only the elite can afford to pay for the privilege of sweating inside a stationary car on the PIE.

If the Strait of Hormuz remains blocked, citizens may have to use their legs, a horrifying prospect that violates every Singaporean's fundamental human right to be lazy and cold.

"Lanjiao, just give me my cheap petrol and let them fight in peace," whispered one concerned Mercedes owner.