The National Environment Agency has announced a triumphant expansion of Project Wolbachia, ensuring half of all Singaporeans will soon experience the thrill of living inside a low-budget horror film.

By 2026, five new neighbourhoods will be gifted with millions of laboratory-bred male mosquitoes, proving that the best way to fight nature is to make it significantly more annoying.

Authorities insist these "designer" insects are non-biting, though most citizens struggle to distinguish a "friendly" mosquito from a blood-sucking one while being swarmed in the lift lobby.

"Aiyoh, the gahmen really think we stupid or what?" grumbled one Toa Payoh auntie while frantically waving a rolled-up newspaper.

"Every day release so many, then tell me don't worry, they only want to find girlfriend! My house now like disco for insects, sibeh jialat!"