Singaporean fans are reportedly moist with anticipation for a Han River cruise that promises the ultimate K-pop experience: absolutely zero physical contact with BTS.

The “Swimside” collaboration with Spotify allows fans to pay for the privilege of listening to a playlist they already have, while effectively trapped on a boat.

Despite the band being as absent as a deadbeat father, local devotees are scrambling to pre-save albums for a chance to see a pre-recorded video of the idols saying “hello” in grainy 480p.

“Eh, no need to see them in person lah,” said one local administrative assistant.

“As long as I can smell the chair where they might have sat, I happy already.”

“Plus, got free sticker leh; if I drown, at least I die listening to Butter!”