Singaporean couples are flocking to pasta-making workshops to ensure they never have to touch each other’s genitals again.

Experts suggest the rhythmic pounding of pizza dough provides a safer, less sweaty alternative to the harrowing ordeal of procreation.

Local accountant, Terence Tan, admitted spending $300 on julienne lessons is the perfect excuse to avoid his wife’s advances.

"Bro, if I make beef Wellington, she too full for 'action' later, so I can play Mobile Legends in peace," Terence explained.

Instructors note a rise in students more interested in a whisk's ergonomic grip than their partner’s waning libido.

"Lidat lor, better I hold rolling pin than hold his 'thing', at least flour don't talk back," said participant Mavis Yeo.

The state may subsidise these classes to ensure the national birth rate remains comfortably in the toilet.