Stressed-out Singaporeans are reportedly handing themselves over to Japanese authorities after hearing that Tochigi prison offers better facilities than a standard studio apartment in Geylang.

Local accountants, currently weeping over their 4% wage growth that barely covers a tray of organic eggs, claim that three square meals and a lack of Slack notifications constitutes a five-star stay.

"In Singapore, I pay $3,000 a month to live in a shoebox and smell my neighbor’s laundry," said one corporate slave.

"In Tochigi, the Government pays for my rent, and I don’t have to deal with my mother-in-law’s nagging about my lack of savings."

The Singapore Prison Service is allegedly panicking, considering adding memory foam mattresses and artisanal sourdough to Changi cells to keep local criminals from fleeing to Tokyo to commit petty theft.

If staying in a Japanese dungeon means avoiding another unpaid internship or a passive-aggressive HR meeting, most Sinkies are ready to start shoplifting in Shibuya immediately.