The Ministry of Education has announced that all discontinued polytechnic diplomas will be officially rebranded as "Vouchers for One Free Tissue Packet" to reflect their current market value.

Thousands of aging Sinkies were horrified to discover that their years of mugging for "Applied Drama" have been unceremoniously deleted to make server space for more AI-generated anime feet.

"I spent three years learning how to fix pagers, and now my own grandson calls me a 'legacy system' before asking why I haven't died for his BTO eligibility yet," lamented one 70-year-old relic.

Government officials reassured the public that while these degrees are now imaginary, the crippling anxiety of flunking out remains a legally binding part of the Singaporean soul.

Graduates are encouraged to use their physical certificates as biodegradable coasters or emergency toilet paper during the next national crisis.