Malaysians are currently shitting bricks over an energy crisis, quietly hoarding rice and canned sardines like they’re prepping for the fucking apocalypse.

While KL preppers vacuum-seal their overpriced basmati, Singaporeans are more concerned with the only metric that matters: the exchange rate.

"I don't give a fuck about the Iran war unless it pushes the ringgit to 4.0," noted one Jurong East uncle while sharpening his grocery hooks.

Local kiasu legends have already started hoarding toilet paper out of pure muscle memory, despite there being no actual shortage here.

Government officials suggest that if Malaysia runs out of food, Singapore will simply export more "vibe checks" in exchange for subsidised diesel.

True friendship is watching your neighbor starve while refreshing your currency converter app.