Oleksandr Usyk’s 11th-round victory has moved the hearts of Singaporeans, who haven’t seen a man struggle this hard since an SME boss tried explaining why there are no bonuses.

As Usyk wept over his family hiding in Ukrainian bomb shelters, local white-collar workers offered solidarity, noting that a 5G network outage in Jurong is basically the same thing.

“His resilience is inspiring,” noted one Sinkie while staring at a damp patch on his bedroom wall.

“Just like Usyk, I also fight for my life every day against the oppression of a faulty Mitsubishi inverter.”

The champion’s Roman centurion outfit was praised for its ‘Main Character Energy,’ a look many Yishun residents attempt daily without needing fireworks.

Authorities warned that ‘Glory in Giza’ should not be confused with the ‘Gory in Geylang’ usually seen at 3 AM.

The victory ensures Usyk remains undefeated, a record matched solely by the government’s ability to find new things to tax.