Local man Tan Ah Kow (45) expressed immense relief today after reading about a tourist bus careening off a cliff in western Mexico, confirming his genius decision to spend Labour Day weekend queueing four hours for a free tote bag in Jurong instead.

"Wah, 11 people die? So messy," Tan remarked while wiping sweat with a damp tissue paper he used to 'chope' a table at a crowded hawker centre.

"In Mexico, you pay for a bus ticket and get a free flight off a highway into the mud.

In Singapore, our SBS buses only break down at Khatib, and at least we can tap out to get a prorated refund."

The authorities reminded citizens that while Mexico offers scenic views of wreckage, Singapore offers much safer alternatives for those seeking a thrill, such as being slowly suffocated by 400 commuters in an MRT carriage during a signal fault.

"It's about the quality of the end," a local travel agent noted.

"In Latin America, it's sudden and chaotic.

In Singapore, we ensure your demise is orderly, fully air-conditioned, and documented via Singpass."

Meanwhile, local insurance agents have already begun sliding into DMs, using the Mexican tragedy to remind clients that their current policies are as useless as a paper map in the jungle.