A local man named Corn has successfully balanced the national books by looting a Bidadari satay stall of its entire inventory of plastic utensils.

The high-stakes heist occurred after Satay BosQue had the audacity to charge 90 cents for three plastic bags, a move Corn described as being worse than a public caning.

Faced with financial ruin amounting to less than a bus fare, the brave Sinkie decided that the only logical path to justice was to shove a massive pile of plastic forks into his pockets.

"They think they can scam me 30 cents per bag like I’m some kind of high-SES sucker?" Corn shouted while clinking with the sound of sixty-four disposable spoons hidden in his trousers.

"I will take every lanjiao fork until this SME boss cries for mercy or until I have enough cutlery to host a wedding for five hundred people."

The stall owner, who clearly doesn't give a flying fuck about STOMP or your feelings, told reporters that the 30-cent charge is clearly displayed for any literate person to see.

"If he wants to play this kind of pattern, then go ahead lah, my forks are probably made of recycled toxic waste anyway," the owner remarked while watching Corn struggle to walk with a fork-stuffed crotch.

Financial analysts suggest that if Corn manages to steal 15,000 more forks, he might actually break even on his chicken wing investment by the year 2045.

Meanwhile, other residents at Alkaff Crescent have expressed concerns that this level of petty warfare will eventually lead to hawkers charging for the air you breathe while waiting for your order.

"Next time I will bring my own bag made of my old SAF underwear just to spite these chee bye sellers," Corn added, vowing to never pay for plastic again.

STOMP has reportedly shortlisted Corn for 'Sinkie of the Year' for being the most hilariously miserable person in a five-kilometre radius.