The Singapore government has unveiled a revolutionary "In-Law Integration Policy" to revitalise the nation’s dwindling birth rates.

Local matriarch Mdm Tan has pioneered this movement by securing a permanent spectator seat at the foot of her son’s matrimonial bed.

She insists that her expert supervision is necessary to ensure her son achieves peak biological efficiency during his weekly five-minute sessions.

Mdm Tan’s son, Jason, admitted that his performance has improved under the watchful, judging eyes of his mother.

"My mother say my thrusting power not enough, need to eat more ginseng and exercise more, if not no use one," Jason remarked.

Mdm Tan remains critical of her daughter-in-law’s vocal contributions to the family legacy.

"Wa lao, her moaning so fake, I must teach her how to sound authentic like those old Mediacorp drama or not my son cannot focus," Mdm Tan screamed.

National intimacy is now officially a high-stakes three-way performance review.