Local man Jason Koh has admitted his sex life is currently more stagnant than the Singapore River.

The 29-year-old insists he can only achieve an erection if Manchester United manages to string three passes together without losing possession.

His girlfriend, Melissa, has reportedly started wearing a Sir Alex Ferguson mask to bed in a desperate attempt to stimulate any form of physical intimacy.

"Walao, every time Man U lose, he just lie there like dead fish and cry," Melissa complained while browsing Tinder for a Manchester City fan.

"Last night I try to be sexy, then he say 'Eh diam lah, Rashford miss open goal, I cannot stand already' and he go sleep."

Sports experts suggest tying reproductive health to a failing football club is a bold strategy for a nation with a birth rate lower than a limbo pole.

Jason remains hopeful that a January transfer might finally help him perform in the bedroom for the first time since 2013.