Lim Kopi, 28, was so consumed by first-date jitters at a Marina Bay cafe that his violent trembling registered a 4.5 on the Richter scale.

The civil servant reportedly spent three hours pre-gaming by memorising his date’s LinkedIn endorsements and printing a hard copy of his own chest X-rays.

His uncontrollable spasms were mistaken for a nearby piling project, causing several diners to instinctively hide under their overpriced sourdough.

Lim’s date, Cheryl, remained unimpressed as his teeth chattered a rhythmic Morse code message requesting a look at her bank statements.

"Wah lau, this guy vibrate more than my massage chair, sia," Cheryl remarked while checking her watch.

"I just ask him if he like cats, then he start sweating like he doing IPPT 2.4km run, damn pattern."

Experts suggest Singaporean men are now so terrified of female interaction they require a government grant just to maintain eye contact.