Singapore’s elite wealth managers have discovered a revolutionary "high-yield" asset class: tapping the bus reader with a Primary School student card.

By shaving $1.20 off every MRT journey, savvy local investors are outperforming the Straits Times Index without the risk of a market crash.

"Eh, you don't know meh? Save fifty cents daily, thirty years can buy bungalow," claimed 45-year-old 'Child' card user, Tan Ah Kow.

The Monetary Authority of Singapore is reportedly considering a "Grandma-Index" to track the economic impact of gym-bros masquerading as octogenarians at fare gates.

"This one not cheating, this one is 'strategic arbitrage' okay, don't be so lansi," remarked one high-net-worth individual wearing a wig to board the 190 bus.

While the LTA threatens fines, the financial community views the $5,000 penalty merely as a "transaction fee" for the ultimate long-term play.