Local marketing executive Tan Ah Kow is reportedly “absolutely livid” after Typhoon Jangmi threatened to moisten his $4,000 Tokyo “healing” trip.

While the Japan Meteorological Agency warns of landslides and flooded rivers, Tan is more concerned about the structural integrity of his Omakase reservation.

“I don’t care if the trees are flying, I have a 2 PM slot at an owl cafe that I booked six months ago,” Tan screamed at airport staff while wearing a Uniqlo puffer jacket in 31-degree heat.

Airlines have cancelled flights, but desperate Singaporeans are reportedly attempting to swim to Okinawa to get their fix of Suntory Highballs.

One woman was seen sobbing uncontrollably, not for the victims of the storm surge, but because her Don Don Donki member points might expire before she can buy premium white strawberries.

Authorities have advised citizens to stay indoors, but Singaporeans remain convinced that their blue passport acts as a waterproof shield against natural disasters.