The Housing Development Board has proudly announced that the odds of securing a BTO flat have officially surpassed the difficulty of surviving a nuclear winter.

Desperate couples are now encouraged to view their 50th consecutive rejection as a "character-building exercise" rather than a total failure of urban planning.

"I apply ten years already, my fiancé also become my ex-wife liao," complained 45-year-old hopeful, Lim Kopi.

"Wait until hair all white then get the key, might as well just book niche at Mandai Columbarium, more fast right?"

Government officials insist the balloting system remains the most efficient way to ensure that only the luckiest citizens get to procreate in a 60-square-metre cage.

Meanwhile, experts suggest that young Singaporeans should stop whining and simply consider living in a tent at East Coast Park.

"Why you so kan cheong? No house just stay with your mother-in-law until you die lor," remarked a senior HDB director while sipping vintage champagne.