A local couple has reportedly achieved a higher state of ecstasy by screaming at a televised football match than through any physical intimacy.

Lim Keng Huat and his girlfriend, Sherry, spent three hours hurling creative profanities at a screen instead of engaging in traditional bedroom activities.

"Wah lau, the striker ball control better than his pattern in bed ah," Sherry remarked while aggressively gesturing at the television.

Lim agreed, noting that watching a goalkeeper fumble a save provides a more visceral thrill than Sherry’s unenthusiastic starfish impressions.

"True love is when we both curse the referee mother until we peak together," Lim explained while wiping salted egg crumbs off his singlet.

Experts suggest that the shared trauma of a crushing defeat is the only way Singaporeans can feel anything behind their cold, calculated eyes.

The couple now plans to celebrate their anniversary by betting their entire CPF savings on a goalless draw.