Singapore’s property market has reached its logical conclusion as real estate agents begin marketing “resident feline nutritionists” as a primary selling point for million-dollar HDB flats.

Madam Tan, a local visionary who spends her life savings on bulk-buy kibble, has successfully turned her void deck into a territorial war zone.

“Eh, why you complain? These cats guard the block better than Cisco man,” Mavis screamed while dumping a slurry of canned tuna onto the public walkway.

“Every morning I put food, they come and say hello, not like my son who never call, then the Town Council people come I just run only!”

The pungent aroma of sun-dried mackerel and territorial spray is now being rebranded by agents as an “artisanal urban musk.”

Prospective buyers are reportedly paying a 20% premium to enjoy the 3:00 AM operatic caterwauling of twenty stray cats fighting over a single piece of chicken skin.

“If you don't like nature, go stay Sentosa Cove lah, don’t come here disturb my babies!”