As the Middle East dissolves into a fiery hellscape of ballistic missiles, the Singapore government has issued a stern reminder that your rising electricity bill is the real tragedy.

Minister Tan See Leng urged citizens to remain calm and, more importantly, to switch from electric air-pots to thermal flasks before the nuclear fallout reaches Jurong.

"World War III is no excuse for owning a two-tick refrigerator," a spokesperson noted while checking a citizen’s house for illegal standby lights on the microwave.

Experts suggest that instead of worrying about global famine, households should embrace "hybrid cooling" by pointing a cheap plastic fan at their sweaty faces while the air-con stays firmly at 27 degrees.

To further mitigate rising petrol costs, motorists are encouraged to stop using their engines entirely and instead have their domestic workers push the luxury SUV to the office.

National Environment Agency officials confirmed that while the Strait of Hormuz is closed, your heart should remain open to saving $5 monthly by showering in pitch darkness.

One local patriot was recently commended for his frugality after he decided to stop breathing at night to reduce the carbon dioxide load on his air purifier.