Singaporeans are officially abandoning 200 years of culinary excellence in favour of eating processed wood chippings soaked in bovine secretions.

The "Artisan Cereal" trend has seen thousands of residents queuing for three hours to pay the price of a small car for lukewarm Corn Flakes.

"Wah lau, the milk is ethically sourced from a depressed cow in Switzerland, so worth it lor," said local influencer, Kayden Low.

The Ministry of Aesthetic Nutrition confirmed that chewing sugar-coated gravel is now the official national pastime, replacing complaining.

"Last time my grandmother make laksa, now I just eat Lucky Charms and wait for diabetes to come only," noted one resident.

Nutritionists warn that the trend is essentially an expensive way to speed-run a colonoscopy.

"Cannot lah, traditional food too cheap, I need pay $15 for aesthetic flakes to flex on IG," complained a student.