As the Federal Reserve toyed with global markets, local man Tan Ah Kow was spotted performing a blood ritual in Raffles Place to appease the gods of compounding interest.

With the 10-year Treasury yield fluctuating, the local population has reportedly replaced their family portraits with framed charts of the Secured Overnight Financing Rate.

Financial experts suggest that the national pastime of complaining has been officially replaced by the erotic thrill of checking bank apps every six minutes.

"Wah lau, Jerome Powell sneeze one time, my mortgage interest fly up until the moon, but my savings interest stay flat like prata," remarked local investor Lim Kopi.

He added, "If the Fed don't cut rate soon, I confirm must go Geylang sell my backside to pay for my car loan, steady pom pi pi."

The Monetary Authority of Singapore has responded to the volatility by suggesting citizens simply stop being poor and start being a multinational bank instead.