The Ministry of Education has finally acknowledged that for the average Primary 6 student, Mother Tongue is about as familiar as ancient Latin or Klingon.

New guidelines suggest that instead of "revision," students should treat the subject like a high-stakes archaeology mission into a forgotten civilisation.

One veteran tutor suggested that pupils should "visualise" a time when they didn't rely entirely on English to order a bowl of fishball noodles.

"Wah lau, my student see the paper like see alien code, lor," remarked one tuition centre owner.

"I tell him write about a 'meaningful event', he just draw one Sad Hamster meme."

Desperate parents are reportedly hiring professional translators to whisper vocabulary into their children’s ears during REM sleep.

"No choice lah, my girl think 'Mother Tongue' is a brand of Korean lipstick," lamented one mother.