Singapore’s newest ramen shop has seen queues stretching from Orchard Road to the Johor border.

Thousands of desperate locals are happily paying $45 for a bowl of wheat noodles submerged in what scientists describe as "industrial-grade grease."

The establishment guarantees that each serving contains enough sodium to mummify a medium-sized water buffalo within minutes.

"Wah piang, the broth so thick I can feel my heart stop, damn shiok sia," said local diner Tan Ah Kow while vibrating from a salt-induced seizure.

Health officials are impressed that Singaporeans will willingly pay a premium to accelerate their inevitable stroke.

Management confirmed that the "authentic" experience includes a Japanese waiter screaming directly into your eardrum for no reason.

If you haven't waited four hours to drink liquid organ failure, are you even Singaporean?