Local label Barehands has successfully monetised the act of raiding your mother’s closet and calling it “creative direction”.

The new collection features designs “pilfered” by a celebrity’s daughter, proving that petty larceny is a legitimate substitute for an actual fashion degree.

While the sewing was outsourced to refugees in Malaysia, the heavy price tags remain a strictly local burden for gullible Sinkies.

“So expensive for what? My mother’s old gingham curtain also look like this leh, I go her house steal also free one,” complained one disgruntled auntie.

The brand remains committed to its social mission of ensuring wealthy Singaporeans feel ethical while wearing stolen laundry.

Apparently, “analogue” is just industry code for charging $152 for a dress that smells like nostalgia and audacity.