The Communicable Diseases Agency has announced that Singaporeans under home quarantine must now participate in daily high-definition video inspections to ensure they are not concealing a single scarlet dot.

Under the new "Total Spot Awareness" protocols, citizens are required to perform a slow, choreographed rotate-and-zoom sequence while a bored bureaucrat in Kallang evaluates their skin texture for non-compliance.

"Eh hello, your camera blur like what, wipe the lens first then show me your armpit properly can or not?" one junior inspector was heard shouting at a screen.

"Wah, this one not measles lah, this one is just pimple only, you don't play-play and waste my time ah!"

The Ministry warned that anyone refusing to livestream their infectious rash in 4K resolution faces immediate imprisonment in a windowless cell.

"Liddat also must check, so shy sia," grumbled one local auntie after her third mandatory Zoom body-scan of the morning.

"Government want to see every corner of my body already, might as well just give them my house keys and my kidney also lor."