
Singaporeans fly to Seoul to lick benches BTS sat on
Thousands of Singaporeans are currently liquidating their life savings to embark on a "holy pilgrimage" to Seoul, where they plan to rub their faces against inanimate objects previously touched by pop stars.
The itinerary includes a visit to a "sacred" ginkgo tree forest to lick a wooden bench that reportedly supported the left buttock of a singer in 2017.
"Wah lau, the saliva transfer is real connection, okay!" one local fan screeched while hyperventilating into a branded paper bag.
Another devotee confirmed plans to eat "sanctified" bibimbap at a basement eatery, hoping to ingest some residual DNA left on the cutlery.
"If I can smell the air where he breathe before, my life complete already," the fan added, before being tackled by palace security.
This satire is based on a real news story.
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