Scientists at the National University of Singapore have officially declared that the ideal weight for local females is now "non-existent."

After decades of rigorous stomach-sucking on Orchard Road, the nation’s women have collectively decided that solid matter is far too unflattering for the humid climate.

"Eh, I tell you ah, I drink water also feel bloated, so now I just inhale the cold air from the air-con only," said 21-year-old influencer, Cheryl Lim, while being held down by a paperweight.

The Ministry of Health has responded by replacing all public seating with sharpened spikes to ensure only the most skeletal citizens can hover safely above them.

"Actually very good leh, my boyfriend say if he can see my shadow on the floor, I still too fat already," noted one office worker while meticulously licking a postage stamp for lunch.

Local boutiques have also phased out mannequins, preferring to display the latest XS sundresses on literal pieces of dental floss.

Dietitians now recommend a strict daily intake of three judgmental glares from a mother-in-law and a single ice cube shared between four friends.

Funeral directors have reportedly started stocking premium envelopes to serve as the primary burial vessels for the country’s trendiest, most translucent girls.