Singaporean women have officially petitioned the government to implement a nationwide ranking system for breast milk to ensure their infants aren't consuming "Normal Technical" nutrients.

The move comes after high-society mothers complained that unranked lactation is "basically communism" and fails to prepare newborns for the crushing weight of academic failure.

"Last time my milk very thick, now a bit watery, I so scared my baby become slow learner," lamented local influencer Cheryl Teo while adjusting her $2,000 hands-free pump.

"If the Ministry don't give me 'A1' distinction for my supply, how I going to face the other mummies at the Pilates class, sibeh malu leh!"

The Health Promotion Board has since introduced the "Lactation GPA," where mothers can compete for the title of "Dean’s List Producer" based on protein density.

One overachiever was spotted aggressively force-feeding her infant Express Stream colostrum, screaming, "Don't play play, this one expensive, drink finish then can go Shichida class!"