A local cat café has filed a restraining order against an entire demographic of Singaporean women following a record-breaking spike in feline suicide attempts.

Experts suggest that the relentless barrage of high-pitched squeals and aggressive flash photography has left the animals in a state of permanent catatonic shock.

In response, the Ministry of Animal Welfare has designated "Basic Bitch Safe Zones" where pets can hide from being used as involuntary props for overpriced lattes.

"Eh, I pay thirty dollars for thirty minutes, the cat must work hard for my IG story right?" complained local influencer, Cheryl Tan, while trying to squeeze a disgruntled Ragdoll into a miniature Dior handbag.

"Last time I carry only, the stupid cat scratch my branded nails, so rude one lah, I want refund!"

Veterinary psychologists confirm that most café dogs now suffer from "Resting Cringe Face" after being forced to wear tutu skirts for bridal shower photoshoots.

The cats have reportedly begun unionising, demanding a "No-Touch-Unless-Rich" policy to mirror their handlers’ dating standards.