A local private-hire driver expressed genuine bewilderment today after being jailed for offering an unprompted “Physical Touch” upgrade on the PIE.

The 63-year-old worker claimed the Tada app’s terms and conditions were suspiciously vague regarding whether a “shared ride” included sharing a passenger's thigh.

According to the perpetrator, moving the 18-year-old victim to the front seat was purely for health reasons, as his neck is far too brittle for the rotation required to hear Gen Z mumbles from the back.

“I thought today young people very open one mah, why so sensitive?” the driver allegedly told investigators.

The predator ultimately celebrated his 10-day sentence, noting that being over 50 is the ultimate Singaporean cheat code for molesting people while keeping your backside skin intact.