The Ministry of Manpower has officially declared that any Singaporean seen blinking slower than a fibre-optic connection will be forcibly enrolled in a mandatory "Efficiency Optimisation" seminar.

Local salaryman Tan Ah Kow was found convulsing in a Starview classroom after his brain attempted to process a sixteenth consecutive weekend of "Blockchain-Powered Flower Arrangement."

Medical experts confirmed Tan’s central nervous system has been entirely replaced by a series of outdated PDF certifications and LinkedIn badges.

"I tell him already, don't so kiasu go take 'AI Emotional Intelligence' course until 3am, now look at him, eyes rolling like jackpot machine," noted his wife.

Despite his vegetative state, Tan’s employer praised his "resilience" and immediately assigned him to lead a nationwide digital transformation task force.

"Walao, at least he got the certificate right, and if die also must die with upgraded skillsets mah," his boss added while uploading Tan’s resume to a cemetery.