Aloysius Tan, a middle-manager with the charisma of a wet floor sign, recently celebrated losing his entire life savings to a "pig-butchering" syndicate.

Tan spent months being "fattened up" by a profile picture of a Korean model, convinced that "CryptoQueen88" truly loved his penchant for complaining about transport fares.

The scammer spent weeks texting Tan daily, providing the only consistent human interaction he has received since his primary school graduation.

"Eh, she call me 'husband' every morning leh, where to find such high-level service?" Tan said, while staring at his empty bank portal.

"Normally only my mother call me, and she just ask why I still so fat and single."

The Monetary Authority of Singapore reminded citizens that being "slaughtered" by a bot is officially the most action most Sinkies will get all year.

It’s a small price to pay for the illusion of companionship in a city where even the pigeons look bored.