The Inland Revenue Authority of Singapore (IRAS) has reported a record-breaking surge in early filings from citizens who are sexually aroused by state-mandated wealth redistribution.

Local masochist, Lim Ah Huat, reportedly spent four hours refreshing the portal just to ensure his contribution helped pay for the next useless smart-lamp post.

"Wah lau, I pay already then I feel like a real patriot, even if I eat grass for the next month," Lim shouted while clutching his Singpass token.

Experts suggest this frantic desire to pay up stems from a deep-seated fear of the government's ability to track a single stray hair in a public lift.

"Government need money to buy more cameras to watch us, so I give lor, anyway I got nothing to hide except my miserable bank balance," remarked auntie Tan Bee Geok.

IRAS officials confirmed the revenue will be prioritised for projects that ensure no Singaporean ever experiences a moment of unmonitored silence.