The Ministry of Education has confirmed that Singaporean women are now completing entire career cycles before their male peers finish their first IPPT.

While boys spend two years bonding with mud and SAR-21s, girls are ruthlessly conquering the corporate world using their 730-day "not-a-soldier" bonus.

This headstart allows females to achieve Senior Management status while their boyfriends are still arguing with their Encik about pubic hair length.

"Wah lao, my botak boyfriend still digging trench in Tekong, meanwhile I already earn five figures and fly business class," laughed local graduate Cheryl Tan.

The government plans to balance this disparity by issuing men a "Good Effort" sticker and a lifetime supply of expired combat rations.