As the United States weaponizes the dollar to cripple rivals, Singapore has responded by deploying its most lethal financial asset: the $25 pint of mediocre lager.

The Ministry of Trade and Industry announced that any nation attempting to sanction our semiconductor trade will be lured into a Clarke Quay bar and forced to pay a 10% service charge on "ambiance."

"America is playing with fire, but we are playing with hidden surcharges," an official confirmed while laughing at a tourist’s credit card statement.

While China throttles global supply chains, local authorities are confident that our strategy of making basic human existence unaffordable will keep us safe from foreign influence.

Experts suggest that no invading army could actually conquer the island, as the cost of refueling their tanks at local petrol stations would bankrupt their national treasury within forty minutes.

"If the dollar fails, we will simply pivot to our strongest currency: the pure saltiness of a taxpayer who just saw the latest tax hike."