The Housing Development Board has reaffirmed its commitment to ensuring every Singaporean spends half a decade staring at the same four walls.

The Minimum Occupation Period (MOP) remains the gold standard for state-mandated domestic confinement, disguised as a clever property policy.

Officials insist that living in a flat for five years is necessary to foster "community spirit," rather than just waiting for the capital gains to explode.

"Every morning I wake up and pray to the resale gods that my ceiling don't leak before year five," noted resident Lawrence Ng.

"Sian man, I feel like I’m doing national service all over again, but this time I have to pay for the bunk," he added while weeping over a floor plan.

HDB inspectors have reportedly begun sniffing bedsheets to ensure owners are actually sleeping in their designated "homes" rather than sub-letting to unsuspecting students.

Failure to comply results in a stern finger-wagging and the immediate loss of your right to brag about your "strategic investment."