The Singapore Police Force is celebrating a historic drop in scams, primarily because the average Sinkie has already been bled dry by the latest GST hike and ERP 2.0.

With 27.6% fewer cases reported, experts believe international syndicate leaders are moving to easier targets, such as terminal orphans or people with actual personalities.

Despite the decline, government impersonation scams surged by 123% because Singaporeans have a genetic fetish for being scolded by anyone claiming to be an authority figure.

“I just felt so seen when the ‘High Court’ called to threaten me,” said one local who happily emptied his CPF into a Cambodian mule’s account just to feel a connection.

Meanwhile, the spike in Pokemon card scams confirms that Singaporean men would rather lose their life savings to a holographic lizard than experience the touch of a woman.

Authorities remain optimistic that as bank accounts hit zero, Singaporeans will finally be safe from everyone except the gahmen.