NParks has officially conferred the Public Service Star upon a three-metre reticulated python found lodged inside a Bukit Timah toilet bowl.

The reptile was cited for its "unparalleled dedication" to urban renewal after successfully swallowing seventeen invasive rodents and one particularly annoying Pomeranian.

"Wah lau, this snake do work better than my MP sia," remarked local resident Tan Ah Kow.

"At least he never talk cock, just go straight for the kill and hide in longkang, very efficient one!"

Authorities are now considering replacing the entire auxiliary police force with carnivorous constrictors to save on manpower costs.

National security experts claim the snakes are significantly less likely to take bribes or ask for smoke breaks.