Prime Minister Lawrence Wong has reassured the nation that no multibillion-dollar windfall can replace the erotic sensation of squeezing 9% from a Sinkie’s chicken rice.

Addressing a parliament drowning in a $15.1 billion surplus, Wong explained that corporate taxes are "unreliable," much like a Grab driver during a thunderstorm.

"We found fifteen billion, but that’s just dirty MNC money," Wong stated while mentally calculating new ERP gantries.

He clarified that the GST is a "stable" source of joy, providing revenue that smells like a GrabFood rider's anxiety.

The PM noted that rolling back hikes just because the government is swimming in cash like Scrooge McDuck would be "fiscally irresponsible."

"We need this to fund healthcare for the elderly, who will hopefully live long enough to be taxed for their own funerals," he concluded.

At press time, the Ministry was seen using the surplus to buy extra gold staplers.